Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Too much to work on...

I've got too much to work on...








And any other 'ally' you can think of.

However, I will share this.
On Monday evening for our ward Christmas party, Kenneth Cope came and performed a lovely Christmas program. One thought he shared has stayed with me. He told us that we're all broken. That no matter what, we've all got things that need fixing. But it was when he(Kenneth Cope) realized that God still uses us in our broken stages, that he(Kenneth Cope) was able to have peace and progress in life.

This is something I'm trying to have faith in. That even though I fall short in so many areas of my life, God still wants to use me for his work. That I'm still of worth, though imperfect. I do not need to be perfect to be of use to my Father and Savior. He can use me in my imperfections. Most importantly he loves me. Regardless of how broken or imperfect that I am.

And here is the song that Kenneth Cope sang for us.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

All that I have...

So I'm just happy today. I had just finished my scripture study on Alma chapter 8. A favorite of mine. I just admire Alma's ability to do such hard things. Sure we read how speedily he returned to the city of Ammonihah, but how easy would that have been? To go back into a city where you had been spit upon, reviled, and cast out of. I sure wouldn't want to go back. But after an angel appears to him and tells him his work is accepted of the Lord, he's asked to go back. And he goes speedily. What courage. What faith.

So I read and was pondering those things. When I received a phone call from a husband and wife I was able to meet in Dallas on my mission. They're my black mama and papa. My goodness their amazing. We are not members of the same church, but we are believers in the same God. They simply called to tell me happy thanksgiving. Just hearing their voices and chatting for a short time filled me with love for them that once consumed me while serving my mission. Suddenly I recalled all the many other people I got to meet while serving the Lord. My heart was full. I was then able to with clarity think upon all the many wonderful things I have in my life.

I wont proclaim that I was the best missionary ever. But I will say that I did my very best to love all the people I was privileged to come in contact with. That's all I really knew how to do well. And what I got in return was an outpouring of love.

I got of the phone with my mama and papa and just got tears to my eyes. I was filled with love. And thought, really what else matters in this world more than loving others? Is there anything else that is as lasting and fulfilling? I began to list all the things I have in my life. I'm truly blessed. We live in a country of peace. We don't have to worry about our safety from day to day as so many of God's children do. I have loving parents and family members. Wonderful friends. I've been blessed to receive an education. I find myself in a career that brings me so much joy and satisfaction. I have a healthy body that works and I get to do things that make me happy. I could go on... amid all those things I get to love others and feel love from others. I really see no greater blessing in life.

So this thanksgiving day I proclaim gratitude for the greatest blessing I think the Lord has giving me, the ability to feel love from others, and the desire to love others. I think that's why I love being a teacher. It doesn't take me long to care about each one of my students and wish the best for them. Gosh right now I just want to hug all those I love. I don't know how to better show my feelings than through time and affection.

Above all of that, I'm grateful for my relationship with my Father in Heaven and his son Jesus Christ. I'm not able to put in words how my heart longs to be near them. And how grateful I am that each day I'm able to work hard to get to know them better and become more like them. Father, my expressions of thanks are not sufficient for the gratitude I feel towards thee and they Son.

I pray that we all may be able to enjoy this holiday season with those we love. Not only to feel that love from them, but mostly to be able to show our love to them. In whatever way will communicate it best.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thank you C.K.

"We can lift ourselves... when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude." - Pres. Monson

Dear C.K.,

Thank you.
Thank you for trusting me.
Thank you for always believing in me.
Thank you for motivating me to set goals.
Thank you for supporting me in my standards.
Thank you for all the road trips.
Thank you for holding my hand in public.
Thank you for motivating me to be more active.
Thank you for the hours of hugs.
Thank you for wanting to help me with school work.
Thank you for being interested in my career.
Thank you for laughing with me.
Thank you for watching Disney movies with me.
Thank you for being supportive of my career.
Thank you for being patient.
Thank you for showing me what it feels like to be loved.
Thank you for being with me when I was sick.
Thank you for all the miles put on your car coming to and from my house.
Thank you for spending time with me doing nothing.
Thank you for giving me tips on how to wrestle more effectively.
Thank you for showing me what it's like to stop day dreaming.
Thank you for building my faith in Christ.
Thank you for helping me better understand the Atonement.
Thank you for showing me I can be better.
Thank you for teaching me.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for showing me how good it is to be a team.
Thank you for communicating so openly with me.
Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you for following the spirit.
Thank you for giving me the chance to prove to myself that no one can ruin me with God in his proper place.
Thank you.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Institute Insights

So this was from last week. I'm taking "Teachings of the Living Prophets" so we get to go over the most recent conference talks.

Last week we watched Pres. Uchtdorfs talk, "Of Regrets and Resolutions" But what stuck with me the most was how my teacher chose to preface the talk.

He told of a CES fireside given by Elder Holland back in 1999. It was broadcast to the entire church but live in attendance were the local CES employees. So my teacher, Robert Line, was in attendance. Bro. Line told how the fireside ended and they all got up to leave and suddenly over the speakers they hear Elder Hollands voice say, "Wait! I'm not done. I just had to finish because of the broadcast. But sit down. I still have more to say." I love Elder Holland.

Elder Holland then counseled these CES teachers on the "6 Top Priorities in Your Life." So I'm going to share them with you now.

1. Physical and Spiritual Self
2. Spouse
3. Children
4. Calling
5. Career
6. Civic duties

We then talked about how important it is to keep these priorities in line.

Immediately I noticed that I needed to take better care of myself physically. I've been doing better and have set goals and have noticed a difference,  but this is something I'll need to continue to do the rest of my life. Bro. Line told us that Elder Holland continued to explain that #1 was really just putting God First in our lives. That with God in the proper place all the other priorities will be able to be taken care of. And to not let one over power the other. That physical and spiritual needs are equally important.

One girl raised her hand and said "Um, where are friends on that list? I'm single and friends are really important to me." My teacher went on to say that maybe they fell in line around 3 or 4. I disagreed. I raised my hand, not to be confrontational, but I felt like if friends needed to be up there Elder Holland would have added them. So I said 'No. I think it's exactly how it should be. How often do we, as singles, replace friends with #2. It's a whole lot easier to just priorities our friends than find a spouse.' There was no argument.

But this could go with anything. How easy it is to mix up these priorities. I'm guilty of it. I reflected and recognized times that I haven't put the Lord first and my relationship with him, and I've suffered. Not only spiritually, but physically as well. And then all my other 'priorities' took a beating too.

So with that teaching in mind we listened to Elder Uchtdorfs talk.  What I remember most about his talk is the counsel to "find happiness". I remember envisioning this mass of happiness that was just out there. Something tangible, waiting to be grasped. All we need to do is find it.

Along with that, I was talking to a friend on Sunday. We had been having a very personal conversation, he mentioned that he missed the sunshine and that always makes him gloomy. I said something like "Oh yeah! Seasonal depression is a pain. But some of us get to deal with it year round." He looked at me puzzled. I smiled. Then he said "So... " I said, "Yes. I suffer from depression. I have for years." My friend: "Well, then can I ask you something? If that is the case, why is it that you always seem so positive all the time? Because, it doesn't seem like you'd be someone who deals with that."

I told him that I've learned to recognize it for what it is. A space of time that causes me to lose all desires to do anything. I acknowledge it, accept it, and keep doing what needs to be done. I remind myself that it's not permanent. That the things I feel and think are not truth. I told him that I've learned to recognize the difference between what is truth and what are the lies Satan is trying to feed me. I told him that I may have depression, but I don't have to be depressed. That I believe all things can be healed through the Atonement.

But I think a main reason that I'm able to preserver through this physical/mental abnormality is that I do my very best to put God first in my life. He is my strength and motivation. I don't want to ever think that I don't need him there. Nothing frightens me more than when I think "I don't need to pray today." Or "I don't need to read my scriptures." Because who am I to not need the Lord that day?

Another institute teacher once taught this same idea that we needed Christ at the center of our lives, holding everything else up. Because if we put our spouse, family, job, or anything else there, those things may fail us. A spouse may die, or leave, family may choose to not stick around, or not come at all, you can lose a job, but Christ is and always will be the Savior. He will not let us down. Upon the rock of our redeemer we cannot fail.

I think this is a day by day thing. At least it seems like it will be for me. Each day  making decisions that put my priorities where they need to be. To be open to the spirit and following the counsel of my Father at what is best for me to be doing.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Daily Study Thoughts Sunday Nov 18

Well this is from yesterday. So maybe I'll just be a day behind.

I've added in reading talks from conference with my daily scripture reading. It's been amazing to see how the Lord is even in tune enough with me to lead me to the talk  I need most that day. I do not read in any order. Instead when I'm praying before my study, I tell the Lord what I will be reading in the scriptures, and then I say "Then I'll read a conference talk from..." And then the first session that comes to mind is the one I choose. I then look through the talks and one usually stands out. I've done this in the past and a specific name has come to mind. So I read that. Every time there is an important lesson for me to learn. I'm humbled by the countless things I need to work on. But thankful that the Lord is patient with me and I know he will teach me little by little.

So yesterday I read Elder Scott D. Whiting's talk "Temple Standard". He spoke of the time he was the coordinator for the Laie Hawaii temple re-dedication open house.(I've been to that temple. Happy 23rd birthday to me!) He gave stories of two instances where the inspector of the building finding grit on the walls and a small 2 inch piece of glass out of place. Then when going through the temple again to only see that wall paper covered the wall and a plant stood in front of the glass window.

I then thought about me as a temple. As we're told we are. 1 Cor 3:16-17,19. I thought of all the grit and two inch piece of glass that exist within me. How the smallest things are important to the temple of the Lord. So the smallest things that need adjusting in my life are too of great importance to the Lord.

I continued to reflect and thought of how careful I must be to not allow grit on my walls, and two inch piece of glass to be out of place. And not in the sense that I have to be perfect, but how often I invite grit onto my walls, and glass to be out of place. How often I justify it being okay to be there. How easy it is to bring it in and allow it to stay. But how much easier it would be to just not let it in at all. To refrain from creating these circumstances in the first place.

There are so many different forms of grit. The older I get the more I learn about the ones I have on my walls to get rid of. I was faced today with a slap in the face, (I shall write about tomorrow). I'm uncertain as to how I am to fully get this grit removed from my walls. It's so much a part of the decoration of my temple that it almost seems improbable that it can be removed. But I have faith that with God all things are possible. I have faith that Christ can help change me. Bring about the power of repentance and build me into the temple he knows I can be. Even if I doubt at times that it can be done, I must have faith in him. Not me. Not someone else. But him. My Savior. And him alone. He will not fail me.

I recently renewed my temple recommend. I love this process. I wish it could happen more than every two years. I find strength and power come unto me when I am able to answer those important questions. I feel it's almost a process for me as well as the judge in Israel to know of my worthiness. Then being able to be in my Fathers house, close to him... that's were I hope to always be. Close to him. So though I may have grit on my walls, or a scratch on my floors, and I anticipate it will take much work to remove them, I also know that these are not things that keep me from the love of my Father. Nothing can keep me from that. Except myself. His love is unconditional. Meaning, even with grit, or scratches, or mud, or breaks, or missing pieces, he does and will love me. And when I'm ready to fix those blemishes He is more than willing to help me and teach me the process. This I know to be true.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Daily Study Thoughts

I hope you don't mind me sharing my daily scripture study thoughts. I don't do this out of boasting to show off what I learn, I do it more with a feeling of gratitude for the things I come to understand better.

I read Mosiah 27 today. I love this chapter. It shows how truly remarkable the power of the Atonement can be.

I had a thought today about these sons of Mosiah and the son of Alma. We know that they had "become numbered among the unbelievers", "wicked", "idolatrous", "leading people away from the truth", "stealing away the hearts of the people, giving a chance for the enemy of God to exercise his power over" others. (Mosiah 27:8-9) Then through the "power and authority of God" an angel comes to answer the prayers of Gods servants according to their faith.(Mosiah 27:14) As the chapter continues we read about the conversion of Alma the younger. Later in the Book of Mormon we are able to know better about his conversion. But my thought today came near the end of the chapter. In verse 32.

It recalls how Alma(the younger) now begins to go about and teach the people about the redeeming power of the Atonement. "Traveling round about through all the land, publishing to all the people the things which they(sons of Mosiah and himself) had heard and seen, and preaching the word of God..." Now here comes the important part, "Preaching the word of God in much tribulation, being greatly persecuted by those who were unbelievers, being smitten by many of them."

Now, continuing through the story we learn that these 5 men become instrumental in building Gods kingdom at this time. I thought to myself, how difficult that would have been to remain firm in their testimonies.

They went from one extreme to the other. Before the angel came they had many friends I'm sure. Many that believed them and followed after them. Listening to their every word. I'm sure they were very well liked by this group of people. And then following their conversion to then go and tell all these people, their friends most likely, about what was real and true. That they were wrong. Then to only be received with "much tribulation", "persecution", and "being smitten by many." How easy would you find it to continue to be true to the gospel and what you know is right? Which would be the easier thing to do?

How would I do in this situation? How many times do I find myself repentant and ready to change, only to go right back to what I once did because it's easier? Easier to live in my sin than to be diligent and continue forward facing much tribulation, persecution, and being smitten.

How did they do it? How do I do this?

Elder W.F. Gonzalez, spoke in Oct 2012 conference about "Learning with our Hearts." He speaks about the fact that we cannot have complete understanding without the applying our hearts to understanding.(Mosiah 12:27) It's only through this understanding with our hearts that I believe we can maintain conversion. Not just enjoy it briefly but maintain it, and live it. He continues and says....
        "We access this celestial source when we do things such as reading the scriptures, hearkening to the living prophet, and praying. It is also important to take to be still and feel and follow the celestial promptings. When we do this, we will feel and see things that cannot be learned with modern technology. Once we have some experience in navigating this celestial web, we will discern the truth, even when reading secular history or other topics. The honest seekers of truth will know the truth of all things by the power of the Holy Ghost."

He emphasizes that this is an important way to come to know Christ to feel these things. "By coming unto Christ, every soul can see, feel, and know of a surety that Christ suffered and atoned for our sins that we may have eternal life... Thanks to Him, wounded souls may be healed and broken hearts may be mended... He will not fail you... Verily our conversion unto Him is rewarded with our healing."

I'm so grateful for the scriptures and words of modern apostles that can lead us to know how to overcome ourselves and become more like our Savior, Jesus Christ. I know there is no other way to find and experience peace in this life. I pray that each time I am once again thrown back into "tribulations", "persecutions" or being "smitten",(physically, mentally, or spiritually) that I will be able to be like Alma the younger and the sons of Mosiah and continue to live in righteousness  feeling and knowing in my heart that Jesus is the Christ.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Student Teaching Tid Bits: Finished

Welcome to Student Teaching Tid Bits. 
This is where I will do my best to document that which is my experience of being a student while also being a teacher... a bit of a paradox. Want to come along with me through my experience of Student Teaching? Well if you don't then choose not to read.

Well... I did it. I had a lot of people who believed in me. My mentor teacher was a huge blessing. C.K. never doubted I'd be able to do it and do it well. He was right. (Thanks for never doubting me even when I always did.) My professors were encouraging and very complementary. And even some of my students would tell me I was doing a good job.

What I learned:
a) I cannot and will not tolerate a lack of respect for fellow students. More than one of my classes experienced my at my angriest(word? well it is now). I learned I could handle them talking while I was talking. It didn't hurt my feelings. But the minute they didn't show respect to a fellow student, I lost it. Not crazy out right yelling. But I got so serious they knew I meant business. Now I warn my classes that when presentations are going on, you listen. Because you don't want to see what I'll do. It seems to work. 

b) Students, well humans, need a reason for things. I got really tired of asking one of my classes to stop talking during announcements. You can only say "Be quiet" so many times without it registering and there just is no longer any point. So I waited. I didn't start yelling or screaming. What would that accomplish. Instead I sat calmly waiting for the announcements to finish and them to be quite and I told them... 'You know. One day you'll be sitting in a staff meeting and you'll have to listen to things that you don't really care about. And if you just acted the way you did during announcements you'd be fired. Fired. No warnings, no second chances, just fired. So be careful you guys, start learning lessons now." I always want to give a reason for why I'm asking them to do something. They deserve that. I need to make sure I never ask them to do something that doesn't have purpose.

c) Students, well people, just want to feel as though someone cares. I've blogged about seeing the change in students once I show a personal interest, but it's been fun to see how much it really means to them. Since I'm no longer student teaching, I'm substituting in the same school. So I walk through the halls and see my former students, and most of them say hello and smile at me. Some have even come into my classroom to tell me they miss me. Even ones that I thought hated me, poke their heads in to say hello. A few of them also said that they felt I 'got them" I don't think it hurts that I'm single, without children, and sometimes mistaken for a high school student. But I find that I'm glad they still want to say hi to me, that they tell me they miss me, that they want me back... I hope that means that they could see and feel how much I cared about them. I found that when a student would drop my class, I'd wonder about them. Or if I saw they were suspended I worried about them and their choices. 

d) I still look like I'm in high school... I gotta go buy more grown up clothes. Or wear more makeup. And probably stop carrying a back pack and my Wonder Woman lunch box... Wait a minute! I draw the line there. Wonder Woman ain't going no where!

e) I have a responsibility with these kids. I recently re-heard Elder Oaks talk from conference called, Protect the Children, there were so many things I took away from that of how I can do better as a teacher to build these children up. Am I setting to high of expectations for myself? I hope so, because I am not doing this job for the money. I'll tell you that. I'm grateful that the Lord has put me in so many teaching opportunities to not only show me my strengths but also my weaknesses, all the more better to prepare me for my children. 

f) I love learning about history. I'm so excited to one day know more about it all. So many fun stories!

g) I cannot always do my best. Sometimes I just have to do okay. My lessons will not always be amazing, but I can always make my classroom a place students want to come. One student told me that she wasn't going to go to Dance anymore because I wasn't teaching... I told her she better because I want her to pass. She deserved to pass. That's where I can always do my best. To care about these kids and their futures. Lessons are only secondary.

h) I know nothing about pop culture... and I don't care.

i) I'm really going to love this career. Finally, after so many trial and errors I've found where I feel I fit. Probably it's telling me I really just want to be a mom. Because, let's be honest, all I'm trying to do is help teach these kids how to leave my classroom better than when they came in. It's a hard job. But so far nothing compares to it fulfillment at the end of the day.

And that was student teaching for me. 

So no more student teaching tid bits... just teaching tid bits from now on. 

Feelings are worth being felt.

Someone very smart has told me that emotions are not bad. You feel them, give them to God and move on. And after learning what I have about the Atonement(my last post) this smart advice, makes so much more sense to me. How any time we feel pain, sorrow, betrayal  loneliness  sadness ... anything! Christ has felt that too. I've felt many things the past few weeks since learning this concept of how to better know Christ by empathizing with what he suffered through. Never will I have to feel as he did, but that's where the comfort comes. No matter what I go through, He went through worse.

I've had a lot of people tell me recently to just let me feel what I need to feel. I find I more often then not fight off many emotions. I tell myself, that I'm strong and that I don't need to feel this way. That no matter what's going on it shall be for my good so why should I feel sad, or whatever. Right? I've got faith. I don't need to be feeling anything but hopeful. Right?

Well I no longer think that way. I can still have faith and hope and still feel hard emotions. I no longer think that my feelings have to be justified. They are what they are and I feel them. No one can tell me that I shouldn't feel that way. No one can tell me to move on and get over it. That I'm over reacting. Because, no. This is how I feel. And you know what? Christ felt this way too.

When we chose to get baptized into the LDS church, we promise to "bear one another's burdens. Mourn with those that mourn. Comfort those who stand in need of comfort." Is this not the epitome of what Christ does? Does he not bear our burdens with us? He went through them already for crying out loud. Does he not mourn with us when we mourn? Well I know he does with me. Does he not bring us comfort when we are in need? Well, I know I've felt that way. So to be able to do these things for one another. To be able to bear one another's burdens, mourn with those who are in mourning, comfort those who need it, are we not simply doing as Christ does? Getting to know him and what it's like to be him just a little bit more.

So then why do we hold back? Why do we not let Christ bear our burdens, or mourn with us, or comfort us? Why do we, okay I. This is about me. Why do I feel like I need to do it by myself. That I'm strong enough, that I do not need to lean on others and let others see me fall to pieces. Why do I feel like I should keep in those things that will only provide my with greater opportunities to know my Savior better? Should I not embrace those emotions I feel? Turn them around and ache with Christ over how hard it is. How much I don't like it. How much I no longer want to feel that way. Just like he did in Gethsemane  pray for it to end, but accept the will of the Father. THEN receive the comfort of an angel so that he could continue to pray in agony. Is it really any different for me?

I recognize also that I'm denying others the opportunity to fulfill their baptismal covenants by being so prideful. They are not able to experience that side of knowing the Savior. Knowing what it's like to bear someones burden, or comfort someone, or mourn with someone. Who am I to deny them an opportunity to better know their Savior? I feel I've been doing better. I feel I have made strides. But I recognize how far I can go.

There is no doubt in my mind, heart, body, spirit, pinkie toe, that Christ is our Savior. No one else could comfort me through the things I've been comforted through. No one else could ease the burdens that have been placed upon me throughout life. No one else will continue to comfort me as I progress in this life. He is my Savior, and I never want to take that for granted. I want to let him save me. I want to get to know him better. For the better I know him, the easier it will be to be like him. I have no other objective.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

"That's Wonderful!"

This changed my life, in a moment of life changes.

Steven A. Cramer(LDS Author) tells a story about an individual trying to pick their life up after a myriad of self inflicted difficulties  This individual, during their repentance process, returns home only to be rejected and turned away.

Mr. Cramer was this individuals friend and confidant, he recalls the situation.

       "I had no idea what I could say that would ease [their] pain and give [them] the courage to continue forward with [their] repentance. But suddenly I heard words coming out of my mouth that I would never have dared to say on my own.
       "That's wonderful," I said. "I know it must have hurt you deeply, but I'm glad [they did] that to you."
       He was stunned. So was I.
       Silently and desperately I prayed, "Father, I don't understand. Why was it wonderful? Why did you put those words in my mouth?"
       The Lord gave me an answer that become, for my friend and me, a sacred learning experience.
       "It is wonderful," I heard myself say, "Because you now have a tiny taste of the pain and rejection Jesus Christ suffered. And because you have glimpsed this small portion of his infinite sorrow, you can have a bond of fellowship that will draw you to him with a special love and devotion."

Tears came to my eyes when I read this. It made so much sense to me. I realized I never understood why the Atonement could bring me comfort. I knew it had in the past but now I could understand why.

The Atonement doesn't remove the pain, sorrow, trial, aching, suffering, etc. etc., but instead brings us closer to our Savior Jesus Christ. On a more intimate level. So I realized something, my main goal, the one that drives my every day decisions in life, is to live again with my Father in Heaven. Exalted. And to do that I need to become more like my Savior. And if I come to know him better, the easier it will be to be like him. So, therefore would I not be grateful for opportunities that can strengthen my 'bond of fellowship' with him? 

Neal A Maxwell taught that patience is "a willingness... to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe-- rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstances." (Ensign, October, 1980)

I believe this all to be true. I've applied it. I've felt the comfort that comes from knowing that Jesus Christ, my Savior and Redeemer, has not only felt the pain I'm feeling but overcome it. And that with him I do not have to go the path alone. Because, he too has felt as I feel. Only worse.

I don't know everything. In fact I know very little. But what I do know is this. God is marvelous. And we have a Savior. Not just a Savior to save us from physical death and provide us a resurrection. But one that saves us everyday. From the small pains and the great sorrows. One that saves us from ourselves. Keeping us from becoming our own worst enemies. Aren't we all our worst critics?

Thank goodness for faith. Thank goodness for courage. Thank goodness for humility. Thank goodness for pain. Thank goodness for trials. Thank goodness for an Atonement.  

Dear Father,

Don't ever let me forget this principle. Please!

-Your daughter.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Student Teaching Tid Bits: British Accents and laziness

Welcome to Student Teaching Tid Bits. 
This is where I will do my best to document that which is my experience of being a student while also being a teacher... a bit of a paradox. Want to come along with me through my experience of Student Teaching? Well if you don't then choose not to read.

Well I'm down to my final week of student teaching. Sure I've learned a lot of history. And a lot of kids names. But what I've really learned is why I'm bound to be good in this profession. These kids mean a lot to me. Sure I cannot do much. I only see them a few hours a day. But this past week has shown me how much just showing you care can change a persons behavior

example 1: One student decided to share casually that he loves to drink wine. And that maybe he drinks a bit too much. Well he comes in after school one day to get an assignment to make up because his dad is harping on him to get his work in. He walks in and says "Hello!" In a British accent. I reply "Hi there!" He says "Oh no no no, where is the British accent?" So we continue to speak in a British accent while he's waiting. In this time he shares that his grades have gone from a 3.5 to a 2.5. I ask him if he thinks the wine intake as anything to do with it. His father is from France so it's a custom to drink it with dinner. But he's been drinking it a bit more. I told him to be careful. He then shares with me that he just moved here in July with his dad and the rest of his family is back east. I said "Now, that's the reason you have a 2.5. Not the wine. That's also just a product. He said, "Yeah i know. But my dad just doesn't get it."

He quickly left after that. But the next day in class he was more focused than he'd been all year. I saw an immediate change in him. Because at the base of this job, I really just care about these students progressing. I want them to learn good skills that will help them be successful and progress in the world.

Because Progress= Happiness, right? 

example 2: Another student, very lazy. Getting a low grade because he just doesn't turn in his work. He happened to come to class after school because he forgot something. I took an opportunity to talk to him. We talked about how he's always getting in trouble and distracted. He said it's the same for all his classes. I asked him how I could help him in this class. We decided I should make sure he knows what's expected.

The next class period, sure after he fell asleep. I was walking past and he said "Okay, what do I need to do to accomplish this?" 

There are a few more examples of moments when I show interest in the students and they suddenly light up. They react. They respect me far more. They participate. They do better on the work and their tests. It's awesome to see. 

I'm not trying to boast, saying how great I am. I do a lot of things wrong. Like yell at students in class. But I then feel so awful, so I make it my goal to apologize and explain myself. Again, after doing this, I find the students are more respectful of me and willing to work. And for high school kids, respect is not always the first thing on their mind.

I don't expect to change the world. I don't expect these students to internalize all that I'm teaching them. But my goal has always been to create a safe environment so they can learn, and hopefully leave my class with skills that will help them be more successful. I'm just glad that even though my lessons aren't always brilliant  and I don't always discipline like I should, and I don't always know all the answers, that at least I am doing one thing right. I love these kids. I can't help it. 

I've been told I'm not very good at being sympathetic and nurturing, I know this to be true in some instances. But you know what I am good at? Caring about people and loving them. I can tell when people aren't living up to their potential and all I want to do is encourage them. Once I know they have a desire to change, I will never give up on them. 

So if I never get married and I get to be a full time teacher the rest of my life... well I think I'll be pretty proud and happy with how I spend my time.

I'm so thankful the Lord has lead me here. My paths are always a bit crazy. I experience a lot of road blocks in life. What I want and work so hard for never really comes to fruition, but luckily I find the Lord was preparing me for something much better for me. Maybe not what I wanted, but always what I need.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Student Teaching Tid Bits: Parent Teacher Conference

Welcome to Student Teaching Tid Bits. 
This is where I will do my best to document that which is my experience of being a student while also being a teacher... a bit of a paradox. Want to come along with me through my experience of Student Teaching? Well if you don't then choose not to read.

I had parent teacher conference this week. I'll be honest. I kind of enjoyed it. No! I did not enjoy staying at school till 7:30 for two nights in a row. Especially on a week when I come down with an awful cold and need to be in bed. However, I enjoy meeting people so I liked meeting parents and talking about their students. I almost, almost knew all of the names of the students that came. I saw maybe 10-15% of them though. A few who are struggling. Here are a few things I noticed.

Parents just want to hear how awesome their kids are. So even if they're not awesome. Tell them they are.
Students, also like hearing how awesome they are. This one is very important. I saw improvements in behavior for a few of my students that struggle a bit in class. I just said how much I enjoyed having them and TA DA! They were better behaved in class. Now, it might not be lasting but here's hoping. I need to do better at building my classes up. Even if I don't like them. They need to think that I do. This isn't a new idea, knowing how you're viewed by someone leads you to want to be that way.

Gospel correlation. Our Father in Heaven tells us we're his children. The more we know this and understand it and believe it, the more we become what he sees us to be. His children. With his qualities. I know God to be loving and kind. Yes firm when need be, but never to a point of him no longer believing in our ability to be successful in becoming what he knows we can become. 

I don't expect all the students I ever teach to become Nobel Prize winners. What I do expect, is that I can be able to teach and encourage them to learn in a way that will help them feel progression and successful. That'll mean different results for each student. But those were my best experiences in education, times when I could see and notice my progression. 

So for me. Parent teacher conference was a good thing. I'm not saying I'll always feel this way. But for my first one. It was good.

Oh and it wasn't so awful hearing a few parents say "Well, this was the one table we had to come to. She/He loves this class and both of you." Yes that put a smile on my face.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Student Teaching Tid Bits: zzzzzzzz

Welcome to Student Teaching Tid Bits. 
This is where I will do my best to document that which is my experience of being a student while also being a teacher... a bit of a paradox. Want to come along with me through my experience of Student Teaching? Well if you don't then choose not to read.

Today, I'm tired.

Students are starting to get sick. Everyone in my family is sick. I have mono in my system and chronic fatigue at that... So today. I'm simply tired.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Student Teaching Tid Bits: Agency

Welcome to Student Teaching Tid Bits. 
This is where I will do my best to document that which is my experience of being a student while also being a teacher... a bit of a paradox. Want to come along with me through my experience of Student Teaching? Well if you don't then choose not to read.

So... tell me this. What brings a person to not act? Let me paint the scene for you. I'm teaching, I give directions. I give them plenty of time. I make sure they understand what is expected. I tell them they will get points for this. It can only help their grade. I walk around. Notice many who are working. A lot of them want clarification personally from me on what they should be doing. I clarify to their understanding. I want them to succeed. I'm happy to answer questions. I continue to walk around the room. Some students are not working at all. But talking. Choosing to not take my advice. So I remind the whole class of how much time they have. Again tell them what I'm expecting. Make sure they're still able to succeed. Tell them ways they can get it done at home and turn it in the next class. This causes a few people to get to work. Time running out. But some continue to talk to their friends. I confront them. Make sure they are clear and they don't require help. They reassure me that they are fine. I know they are not. One student is in a panic that she's not doing it right. I reassure her that she's doing great. That I don't expect perfection but to see that she's working hard. That calmed her down. But still there are a few students just not doing a thing.

Do they feel they wont be successful?
Are they lazy?
Do they not understand?
Do they understand but not care?
Are they needing more supervision?
Do I need to modify the task to fit their learning style?

I will now make this an analogy.

How many times does our Father in Heaven give us direction? Well, every six months He speaks to us for 10 hours on things that we should be focusing on. Then there are scriptures. Those could be daily reminders. Does he not tell us what's expected? Does he not promise us blessings if we are to act on his instruction? Does he not provide us with plenty of time to learn and apply? Does he not provide personal revelation for clarity on things we don't understand? Does he not send warnings when time is running low? And still give you opportunities to succeed? Does he not send us comfort when we aren't sure if we're doing what we should?

And yet... How often do I act like the students in my class and just not act. But get caught up in a conversation(aka life). Now don't get me wrong. I'm not at all comparing my teaching abilities to those of our Father in Heaven. However I see many comparisons to teaching these students and how our Father works with each of us. 

It pains me to see so many students just throw away opportunities for good things. They lack the ability to look forward and plan ahead. They are so stuck in what's going on in their lives right this very second, that failing a class doesn't matter to them. But... shouldn't graduating high school be important to them? And trust me, we make it as easy as possible. The work is done in class. I make sure they can succeed. So many just do not want to.

I can only imagine the pain and well, not frustration, because God is perfect and frustration is an imperfect trait, but the pain and sadness he feels when we, his children choose not to act and accomplish good things. Things he's told us will help us and be for our good. He cannot force us. Just like I cannot force any of my students to learn and do the work. But if I'm spending my time trying to think of ways to reach these students, I'd find it hard to believe that our loving, kind, Heavenly Father isn't doing the same for each of us.. 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Student Teaching Tid Bits: Swimming(drowning) in History

I don't blog. You want to know why? I'm ALWAYS reading about history. Currently I'm sitting on my floor with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 history book strewn about. Next to them are notes and note cards and teaching materials. Dag nab it, I better become the most awesome historian of all time!! Turns out though, these kids don't know much. So I already know more than them. I just have to know enough to talk for 90 freaking minutes. My professor said it himself, "90 minutes is too long" Agreed! Even college courses aren't that long. they are only 80 minutes! Sigh.

So all my thoughts consist of these days is... history. And what happened in history? Oh and how can I relate that to history? Is that something I should know for history? It probably doesn't help that I have this bloody praxis test to still pass. That adds more history. I don't think there is enough room in my brain!! What should I get rid of?... meaningless FRIENDS trivia? I mean that has been off the air for almost a decade. But, still funny. Random sports knowledge? I cringe at the thought. I think what's starting to slip out are the memories of what it's like to not be having to soak of historical knowledge.

And now to put it all on top of it... I have to know current events!! It's got to tie into today right? Make it relevant to them! Sadly for these kids I'm so far away from pop culture, my only source of information is facebook. So I find I listen to NPR more often. I LOVE NPR! Talk about responsible journalism. Want to  know what's really going on in the world and politics, listen to them! Or read it too online. By far the best journalism I've ever come across. And seeing that I have a dress in that... you might want to trust me on this.'

So there's even more knowledge I put in this old brain of mine. Seriously... how much can it hold?

Okay, I'm tired....

p.s. I'm choosing to not fix a mistake I just read in this post due to it's proof of how tired I actually was. "And seeing that I have a dress in might want to trust me on this." What the heck does that mean?! Haha! It meant to say a degree. Ha ha! I just have no idea what I was thinking.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Student Teaching Tid Bits Day 3

Welcome to Student Teaching Tid Bits. 
This is where I will do my best to document that which is my experience being a student while also being a teacher... a bit of a paradox. Want to come along with me through my experience of Student Teaching? Well if you don't then choose not to read.

So today I was just in my history classes. (Tomorrow will be fun because I'm just taking the dance classes, not teaching them yet! Yahoo!)

People's lives are difficult. My teacher had the students fill out an autobiography sheet and only she and I read them. Some of these 16 year olds really deal with a lot. Many come from single parent homes. Parent's leaving them at young ages. Some students just hoping to be the first in their families to graduate high school. Some students having to move away from certain areas to get out of gangs and drugs. It's thrilling that they have been able to stay clean just because of a simple relocation. Some students not sure whether or not they're pregnant. Other's still trying to learn english. It's just amazing what us humans can put up with. 

I look at my life... Nothing compares to the difficulties they face. 

This more than ever makes me want to make a comfortable, safe, happy, fun classroom. You think I can do it? Gosh I hope so. I bet it'll make me happy in return. 

It'll probably be a lot more work. And harder on me sometimes. But I can do hard things right? 

Sadly working with older students not many funny things happen... Some students walked in like 25 minutes late and said they went to the wrong class and didn't notice. :) Sorry kids. Tardy! 

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Student Teaching Tid Bits

Welcome to Student Teaching Tid Bits. This is where I will do my best to document that which is my experience being a student while also being a teacher... a bit of a paradox. Want to come along with me through my experience of Student Teaching? Well if you don't then choose not to read.

I want to enjoy this experience. Not just stress about it. I still feel completely unprepared. Really. I feel like I do not know anything! I feel I know how to teach, but when it comes to my content... I feel hopeless. So this leads me to stress. Which then leads me to not enjoy so much what is going on. So maybe this blog will help me stop and enjoy the day at hand.

Day 1- A Day (yesterday.)

It hit me that I was going to be waking up at 5:30 for the rest of my career. I did not like this. But then once the kids left at 2:10 I thought. Okay I do like this.
This week I'm just observing my teachers I'm working with. So no teaching. Which to be honest I'm finding might make it seem harder.
Back to yesterday. 1st period. All seemed fine. I noticed out of the corner of my eye a student violently throwing punches into the air in front of him. I thought it was just an accident at first. But it continued. Then he started talking to himself. I hate the fear of labeling students before I really have been told by someone with authority. But it was obvious that he has turrets syndrome when he started mumbling the F word under his breath. So while my teacher is going through the sylabus I sat there thinking. Okay what does one do in this situation? I believe that everyone has the right to learn. And that everyone can learn. But it just opened up a lot of "Oh man. How do I handle this the right way?" A credit to my first period, they handled it beautifully. No one said a word. It was awesome.
2nd period: two students with very obvious signs of Autism. One even announced it. This period didn't handle it so smoothly. But the teacher addressed it nicely to the whole class.
3rd period: prep
4th period: Nothing out of the ordinary. Just more thoughts of "Oh my freaking heck. I've really got to figure out what I'm teaching these kids."

You know what I desire most? Well, yes I've mentioned to make my classroom one they feel save in. But I also want to help students realize that they can do something they didn't think they could. Experience something new. Basically just accomplish something hard. Hard things are what fill up life. And it's how we tackle these hard things that make up our character. So many of these students, I was not unlike them, just want to get by. Some give up before even trying. I've been there. I don't like that about myself. So by making this my goal to help them, it'll push me to do hard things. Benefiting everyone.

Day 2 - B Day

This day I get to teach dance. Not much to say. Except I'm so excited to be dancing regularly again. It makes me so happy. I don't express myself verbally all that well. How I'm feeling. But when I dance... well it makes sense to me.

But observing the students in these classes... man high school kids are so funny. I'm sure I was just the same. And I must admit I am still this way to some degree. They just think they are so grown up and they have it all figured out. I just look at them and feel for them. I'm probably going to learn a lot about myself in this process.

So, so far. I'm still feeling overwhelmed and completely unprepared, and under qualified. But I also know, that I have the potential to do this and do it really well. So I've got to believe that with more vigor than believing the other stuff. Because the more I worry about negative thoughts, I get sucked into not having fun and enjoying. I want to enjoy this and my job. Not constantly worrying about what's to come.

Always things to work on... always.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Student Teaching

I begin student teaching in 23 days... I wish I could say that I'm completely confident. But to be honest, I'm not. So many people tell me how good I'm going to be. And where that does give me confidence in my abilities there is so much to teaching that at times I think to myself "do I really have what it takes to be really good at this?" Because you know what? I want to be really good at this. I want to become a master teacher one day. I want my class to be a place that students want to come. Now, do I expect them to remember all the things that I teach them? Not quite. But I hope at least to make an environment where they feel safe and welcome and a place that they can succeed. I realize now in my adult life that I've never really pushed myself unless I thought I could succeed. This has led me to miss out on a lot of things. I grew up never really thinking that I was great at school, because turns out I am not good at test taking. And others around me would always point out my inability to spell, when it turns out that those two things don't make up brains. I'm good at others things. But very few classes in school brought that opportunity to see those other intellectual talents.
Okay now I feel as thought I'm writing my Philosophy of Education paper... which I'm sure I'll comment on later. But all in all, I really hope to create a positive classroom. And I'm know I'll be good at caring about my students and I'm pretty creative with my lessons and I can present information really well. It's just a whole lot of other expectations that are placed upon teachers from the school boards, parents, my college for my final thesis/project... just one thing after another. Always something I should be working on. Always something not getting done. Always something due. My poor brain then transplants these stressful expectations into poor health. I don't like it. Not one bit.
(Deep breath!)
Luckily I have people who believe in me. Luckily I'm not alone. But sometimes I just get a bit too nervous about it I don't even want to think about it.

That's all.

I'm a sucker for Romance....

Well thanks to C.K. I've discovered my weakness... anything and everything romantic. I mean I should have seen it coming. I've always been a sucker for the classic romance stories. My favorite part of Sleeping Beauty was the kiss. I've watched Persuasion and Pride and Prejudice far beyond the normal quota. So why have I not been looking for romance in a relationship all this time? 
So weird.
But seriously, after these many years of thinking that I figured out what I wanted, here comes C.K. going above and beyond cute.(I'd give an example but... I don't want to embarrass him. But trust me. I melt more often than not.)
Just goes to show you what a boyfriend/companion will teach you about yourself. So many things I never thought I needed in my life. But by golly am I grateful to have them. 

Monday, July 23, 2012

Testing. Testing. Is this thing on?

So uh... Hi again. Not sure anyone is out there to listen. But I really suck at blogging right now. You know why? I don't have too many thoughts on my mind these days, and well the thoughts I do have I just share with C.K. And let's be honest... Most of those thoughts I have do in fact have to do with C.K. so... that's the real reason I'm not blogging as much. But... this is what my summer consists of...

Working full time.
Studying history
Spending time with C.K.

That's about it.

I'll touch on each briefly.

Working full time... I now know why I chose to go into secondary education. Children are so bloody annoying. Now, I love kids. I do. They are sweet and say funny things. But you know, 18 5 year old's for 8 hours a day... not so sweet and not so funny. Mainly they just like to complain and tell on each other. You know what I say to them not sharing the ball with you? "Go talk to them about it. Because I really don't want to hear it." Yup, that's what I say. But all in all. It's been a good job for the summer. I enjoy going for the most part. Which is a nice change. And it really does get me excited to teach high school. 

Studying history... I hate the Praxis test... That's all I'll say about that.

And spending time with C.K. We've discovered the power of road trips. We have a lot of fun driving all over this state of ours. (We've covered almost the whole state from North to South C.K.!) And in only less than two months. We've had a fun summer. We're finding that we're running out of time to do all the fun things we think of doing. Luckily the fall is the best time of year, so we'll just do fun things then. 

I know I'm vague about C.K. but turns out that's just how it is. But I will say this. It's been a roller coaster of an adventure(I LOVE roller coasters!) Relationships are delicate but can also be extremely strong at the same time. They take work and effort. Patience and hope. And my goodness do they take faith. You know what C.K. and I were talking about recently? Why don't more people talk about the hard parts of relationships? Why are we so afraid to talk when things are difficult? That's just silly. It's so comforting knowing that things are hard and take work and patience and faith for others too. Because if we just rely on movie's or everyone saying "We're in love! Everything is just so great!" well.... we'd be in for a rude awakening. Because, let's be real people. Everything is not always great. And being in love is an up and down roller coaster. And it takes work, and two people who actually want to be in love with one another. It's not something that develops and then just stays. It really is something that must be cared for, and have time spent on it. At some point you really just need to plant the seed to see if it's good and have hope that as you continue to do all the right things the fruits that are produced will not only continue to be produced but just get better with time. 

Again, a  bit vague on C.K. himself... But trust me. He's pretty cool. I sort of like him. 

Monday, June 25, 2012

Do you ever have those moments....

Do you ever have those moments when you get slapped in the face and realize you are completely clueless?
Do you ever have those moments when everything makes sense?
Do you ever have those moments where you think, "Really? This is the job I wanted for the summer?"
Do you ever have those moments when you think, "Wow. So this is what everyone was talking about?"
Do you ever have those moments when you think "it can't get much better than this?"
Do you ever have those moments when you wander around your kitchen not having any idea what to do with yourself so you just keep wandering?
Do you ever have those moments when you would give anything to be a child again? Where your biggest concern for the day is that someone put their feet in your space at circle time. (Yes! This makes 5 year olds cry.)
Do you ever have those moments when nothing else matters except enjoying the moment?
Do you ever have those moments when your heart longs to say things it doesn't know how to say because it's not been taught how to communicate the things that it is feeling?
Do you ever have those moments when all you want to do is hold on?
Do you ever have those moments when all you want to do is let go?
Do you ever have those moments when nothing makes sense?
Do you ever have those moments when you wish those moments would pass?
Do you ever have those moments of wishing you could be more?

Turns out life's full of them isn't it? Thank goodness they're only moments and always changing. Thankfully one thing remains the same... I'm so grateful for a loving father in heaven. Thank goodness for him, I don't ever have to go through these moments alone.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Oh... I have a blog.

Oh uh... Hi blog.

So... uh... how you been?

Okay I understand you not wanting to say much to me. I get that. I have neglected you quite a bit. But Blog I did just start this new job. I haven't worked full time in over 3 years! Granted being a full time grad student takes more than 40 hours. But remember how I'm working with kids?! Blog I just don't have time during the day like I used to at work.

I know, I know, what you're thinking. What about after work? Well... the thing of it is. I sort of like to see C.K. after work. And on the weekends. So... it's not like I'm going to be spending time with you when I could be hanging out with C.K. Because, let's be real he gives back a whole lot more than you ever have. He's pretty much slipped into the slot of the person I want to see most.

So sorry I've been neglecting you. It's nothing personal. It's just.... well I've got something pretty great going on right now and turns out I think about you less and C.K. a whole lot more.

So... yeah.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Dear Part Time Temporary Job:

Dear Part Time Temporary Job:

Well I just come out with it I guess. I will not miss you at all. Okay so maybe there are a few things I'll miss. For example. Working with my cousin. It's been really fun spending more time with her. Even if our interaction is always just through the inter-office instant messenger you provide. We've had some great times bonding over how much we dislike you. Sorry but it's true.
I'll also miss the funny things that type out during calls. For example, my personal favorite. What I actually said was
"Can you tell me when the appointment is?"
What typed up into the interpreter
"Kitty tummy when the appointment is?"
Bahahah! I laughed quite a bit when that came up.
I will also miss being able to communicate with my friends via the Internet during work. Since I don't get any human interaction while I'm working here it's been nice to have that kind of outlet.
Oh and working with one of my favorite friends from high school. That's been fun too. Oh and the pay was good for a part time job. And it was a good job to do homework while I trudged through grad school. But that's it!

You know what was the hardest part about you Part Time Temporary Job the feeling of being completely replaceable. I really felt as if I was of no worth here. No one even cares if you come into work 4 hours late. 4! FOUR! Really? No one cares? Hmm... that's weird. And then when I call someone for help do they help me? Nope! Just ignore me entirely. And really should it be IMPOSSIBLE to get time off? Don't most jobs allow you to have time off when you have to take a test to get your degree? Or go on vacation for the first time that year? Yes most jobs do. YOU do not! And oh the advice is just to go through the entire list of employees and ask them to take your shift one by one... yeah because we have so much time to do that. NOR do we have access to everyones names! Seriously think these things through.
ALSO a job where everyone just wants to move up because they can't stand what those of us do at the bottom of the totem pole... hmmm something is wrong with this picture. Then the people who move up tend to not think that they have to follow the same rules as us. Aren't they are exemplars? Shouldn't they set a good example of how we should be as employees instead of pushing their privileges to the point of breaking rules? Not okay!
And then after working here for 15 months all I request is to work more for you. Put in more hours during the times when you need people. And to no longer work Saturdays. Because, let's be honest working Saturdays just plain sucks. (I want to play with C.K.!) So I ask for that. More hours and no Saturdays. And what do you give me. 4 more hours a week and still Saturdays from 7:00-noon.... LIVID!
So here we are. I am leaving you. I didn't even give you two weeks notice. Now I'm blacklisted and never able to be hired with your awesome(cough) company again.
I'm heartbroken.(sarcasm)

Thanks for being my source of income when I needed one. But my gosh I'm glad I don't have to grace your awful cubicle and low treatment of me anymore.

Sincerely a completely lacking devotion former employee,

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Mono Memoirs: Day 8(? I think)

Mono Memoirs
I have 'mono'
I shall blog

Day 8(I think)

I'm losing track of time. When it gets to be 8:00pm I get happy because that means that I get to go to bed soon. Want to hear how my past week has been? Okay I'll tell you.

Wake up at 7:30am. Scoff at the clock and go back to sleep until around 9:00 get up and eat breakfast. Check your phone.
Go back to bed because eating breakfast wore you out.
Get up again around noon find something to eat just to keep your strength up. Check your phone. But now that you have energy so time to watch tv or a movie. Scan through tv and movies on cable and realize that there really isn't anything worth the effort of keeping your eyes open for. Check your phone.
Go back to bed and find a movie that you don't mind closing your eyes to, because your worn out with trying to find something worth watching. Check your phone.
Watch a movie. Check your phone. Then turn it off roll over and take another nap. Check your phone. Keeping your eyes open is just too much work. By the time you wake up it's around 6:00 food time again! But first check your phone. Eat and then back to bed. Now maybe you have enough energy to read... That doesn't last long. Back to lying down after you check your phone. finally it gets to be 8:30, it's still light outside but you think oh well nothing else to do. So you check your phone one more time then go to sleep for the night.

Then it starts all over again.

Fun right?!

I did have some visits yesterday which were rejuvenating. Here's to another day of healing! It makes it all worth it each morning I wake up feeling a little bit better.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Mono Memoirs: Day 5

Mono Memoirs
I have 'mono'
I shall blog

Day 5

Tips on what to do when you have mono.

I am an expert at this point. So I shall share some tips with you. 

1. Eat only soft foods. Turns out your throat is in tremendous amounts of pain and anything, I mean anything going down just kills.

2. Don't go far from your bed or a place to lie down. Turns out that just walking up some stairs wears you out.

3. Get some new movies before you've contracted the aforementioned virus. If you're like me you wont want to watch the ones you have. 

4. Don't watch movies with cute kissing scenes in them. Kissing is off limits when you have mono!

5. Text people and tell them you are sick. Then you'll have friends to keep you entertained through the all hours of the day... Well only partly entertained. Turns out that not everyone has as much time to kill as you do.

6. Be sure you have another job lined up before you just stop going to your current job... Who knows if you'll really go back at all at this point.

And last but not least

7. Schedule your infection with mono to come at just the right time. When you aren't starting a new job, when you're not fully immersed in grad school full time, when you're not in Disneyland, and when it's not your birthday. Turns out to be good timing. 

p.s. turns out for me mono isn't turning out to be that bad. Each day it gets a bit better. I am taking pretty dang good care of myself. But all in all it's not too bad... just a bit boring. 

Singlehood Saturday: Relentless

Tune in each Saturday for random stories from my single life.
The good, the bad, and the cute.


So do you remember Bob? Go ahead and refresh if you need to. So two weeks ago I happen to sit in front of him at a meeting and after hearing that he had just gotten back from Israel I turned around slightly, ever so slightly, slapped his leg and said "No way! That's awesome." Apparently to Bob's understanding that was, a fond caressing of love and me saying "I missed you so much."

At the end of church Bob wished me a happy birthday and sent me on my way.

Tuesday (two days before my birthday) I miss a call from Bob. I'm with C.K. I sigh. C.K. and his roommate both agree that seeing as I set Bob up with a friend months ago he should probably get the hint. C.K. suggests that he come with me on the date. Answer the door when Bob comes to pick me up. Now that would be a good entry!

All Bob's message asked was to call him back. I did. He didn't answer. He called back when I was at work. I told him I couldn't answer and said "What's up." His response.

"Well I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and take you out to celebrate.(ice cream, dinner, activity." 

Now why couldn't he just say a date? Because all those options are very date-y. 

Here comes the brilliance of having a boy to go on dates with. 

I reply

"Thanks Bob, that's really nice of you. But I don't think the boy I'm dating would think that was very cool. :) Thanks anyway... You'll have to tell me about Israel sometime though. That's awesome."

I'll give you two guesses what Bob did... You only need one.

No response.

For his sake I ignored him on Sunday at church.

But I guess sometimes you just can't talk to certain people and just be their friend. I mean I make the loudest gesture there is in single dating land. Set him up with someone else!!! I mean for real!