Mono Memoirs: Day 3

Mono Memoirs

I have 'mono'

I shall blog.

Day 3

So having mono I have a lot of time on my hands. I can't sleep all the time. My body is starting to get tired of being in my bed. I cannot read, my brain is not lucrative enough to focus for long periods of time. I do not want to watch lots of movies... I have seen all my movies. So what do I do? Lay in bed and think.

Wanna know something I realized about myself? Well if you do not, then you do not have to keep reading this. But if you are interested, I am now inviting you into my psyche.

I DO NOT ask for help well. The only person I will straight out ask for help is my mother. Anyone else, I feel I am putting them out. Especially if I know that it will be inconvenient for them to do it, I do not say a thing. So then what happens? I am sad. Because I really do need something but I build myself up as this totally self sufficient capable person, when in reality, in some instances I have collapsed and need help being picked up. 

And then someone asks "What can I do for you?" I reply, "Nothing." Which is a total lie. But I know that what I need cannot be provided. So do you say what you need knowing that your need cannot be met? Or do you just keep it in and maintain a false persona of independence and strength?

Turns out I ended up admitting defeat and telling this person what I needed. Very aware that I would not be able to receive what I wanted. But still I thought, you know, I do need something and if it were me I would want to know I was needed. 

And maybe it is time that I let someone else be needed. I guess it is just pretty frightening to need someone. Makes us a bit vulnerable does it not? Especially if we are not sure if that person wants to be needed... Well here is be being vulnerable I guess. Because I have said what I have said and there is no taking that back. 

Having mono is great!(insert sarcasm) 

Honestly...

“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour” (Exodus 20:16).

A situation arose this past week that caused me to think about the principle of honesty.
I think I used to think of it merely as when asked a question 'always tell the truth. don't lie.' That was kind of it's extend. I wish I could admit I've never lied or been dishonest. Something I'm most definitely not proud of in the slightest way.

Almost two years ago I was apart of a lesson in church about Honesty. My heart was changed and since then I've done my best to be honest.

Back to this event this past week.
I told a coworker, who is my superior and good friend, about a funny conversation I had on gchat while at work. Two things happened 1. he didn't think it was funny, even though it had my cousin and I crying with laughter and 2. he told me we weren't allowed to use online chats. BLAH! That is something they forgot to mention when I was hired. It's been so nice to pass long days! And the days can get LONG! GRRRRR! We've resorted to emails...

So every time I want to chat to friends I think "What if today he asks if I did chat online? I don't want to have to lie. So I better not do it." Right there! This is my new understanding of honesty. Preventing the situation from even happening that would cause me to lie! Prevention! I love it! Okay so I know this isn't a new idea that has never been discovered, but I love how much sense it makes. It's also why I never drive more than 5 over the speed limit, I don't want to have a reason to worry if that cop is going to pull out and pull me over. He's gonna grab that speed demon next to me!

I thought about the peace of mind that comes when we're honest. Most of the time it's just us being honest with ourselves. Our integrity. What we do when no one is looking. So I thought about the simple change that is brought placed upon me when I KNOW the rules. I didn't know I was breaking a rule about online chats, I do now. Now I have a choice to make to either follow them and be honest, or not.

The same principle applies with God's laws, or the commandments. What a responsibility I have to follow those! Thanks to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ I know what they are, I've been told by many in authority what I should do... Am I going to do it? I sure want to be able to. Just like I don't want to have to lie to my friend if he by chance asks me if I chatted online, I sure don't want to have to face the Lord and confess (because lying will be impossible) that I did things knowing I shouldn't have. Because that day will come...

Now the more people I've told the more I'm held accountable! Thanks for your help! :)

*Between calls I'm allowed to use the internet and do most of anything. I'm not just NOT working.