Mono Memoirs: Day 3

Mono Memoirs

I have 'mono'

I shall blog.

Day 3

So having mono I have a lot of time on my hands. I can't sleep all the time. My body is starting to get tired of being in my bed. I cannot read, my brain is not lucrative enough to focus for long periods of time. I do not want to watch lots of movies... I have seen all my movies. So what do I do? Lay in bed and think.

Wanna know something I realized about myself? Well if you do not, then you do not have to keep reading this. But if you are interested, I am now inviting you into my psyche.

I DO NOT ask for help well. The only person I will straight out ask for help is my mother. Anyone else, I feel I am putting them out. Especially if I know that it will be inconvenient for them to do it, I do not say a thing. So then what happens? I am sad. Because I really do need something but I build myself up as this totally self sufficient capable person, when in reality, in some instances I have collapsed and need help being picked up. 

And then someone asks "What can I do for you?" I reply, "Nothing." Which is a total lie. But I know that what I need cannot be provided. So do you say what you need knowing that your need cannot be met? Or do you just keep it in and maintain a false persona of independence and strength?

Turns out I ended up admitting defeat and telling this person what I needed. Very aware that I would not be able to receive what I wanted. But still I thought, you know, I do need something and if it were me I would want to know I was needed. 

And maybe it is time that I let someone else be needed. I guess it is just pretty frightening to need someone. Makes us a bit vulnerable does it not? Especially if we are not sure if that person wants to be needed... Well here is be being vulnerable I guess. Because I have said what I have said and there is no taking that back. 

Having mono is great!(insert sarcasm)