So seeing as I'm single, I spend time reflecting if there is anything I can do to do better, to help with my lack of dating life. I could blame it on all the males around me that for some reason just seem like morons who have no guts/desire/drive to take a cute, fun girl on a date. So yes I do put part of the blame on them, however I too take responsibility as well.
I've determined that for some reason I don't come off as being available. Not really sure what causes this. I was talking to a male friend about it last week and I told him my theory. He took a step back, looked me up and down and said, "Yeah I can see that. Here, now try acting all shy and scared." So I immediately close up and don't look him in the eye and act all shy and stuff. His response, "Well it worked! I'd totally come talk to you."
After laughing a bit, I told him that I wasn't going to take this tactic. Because let's face it, I'm not shy. Never really have been. Sometimes I'm not as outgoing but I'm not shy by any means, so I don't feel comfortable 'acting' shy to get a guy to ask me out then he finds out that I'm not that way... well it probably wont work out too well if I'm not being myself.
Turns out that guys aren't the only ones that think I'm unavailable, I talked to a good female friend of mine who said the same thing "I just think, well she's got a lot of friends she's probably busy." I reassured her this wasn't the case and that she and I could spend more time together.
So I'm sort of stuck not really knowing how I can help this situation without changing who I am....
Now for the Irony of it all.
I was approached by a young man at church on Sunday, we'll call him Ron. Ron and I have talked a few times and gotten comfortable so it wasn't weird having him come up to me. We talked for a minute then he asked me out for Saturday! Brilliant right?! I say well done Ron! Well done! Now for the Irony part, this week and next I'm working two jobs, leaving me literally with no nights free. Then the next week I begin my Masters program. Not really sure how free I'll be then. So I had to regretfully decline Ron's invitation. I was really bummed, he seems like a quality guy. But what was I to do?
Then after thinking about how a guy finally asked me out, to my face, I thought, well maybe I should suggest we do something another time? So I plan to go to ward prayer that same night and talk to him there... Turns out Ron must have been not too happy with my reply, he avoided talking to me the whole time I was there. So I thought, well I guess I wont do anything about it now.
After reliving the events to my best friend, she asked if we rescheduled. Someone else asked if I did that too! I didn't know that was a rule!! It makes sense but in all honesty I'm not very experienced with this type of thing.
So rule #8 when a boy asks you out and you can't go, suggest a night you can go.
Gee thanks for telling me all you married folk out there! :)
So I go from being perceived as unavailable*, to literally being so. Ahhh life! Pretty funny when you think about it.
*This is just a theory. I don't really know if it's true. But it's a far better theory than thinking there is something wrong with me. I've done that before... That's bad and usually not true.
2 comments:
Apparently, I act like I'm married. I have no idea why or how to fix it.
Any chance he could, like, give you rides to church, or something? I recently learned that a friend married her boy without ever actually going out (she didn't have time) but her boyfriend would pick her up at school and they'd eat drive through stuff while he drove her to music lessons. Just something to think about.
I agree that you shouldn't have to change yourself to attract guys. Be nice to them, yes, but act like a shrinking violet? No, no, no!
Coming from a male on the other side of this problem, let me say, don't be afraid to take the initiative. Guys like me (who are neither lazy, immature, or stupid) often have the following experience:
Guy: "Hey. You know, I think you're really cute and fun. Would you maybe like to go out sometime?"
Girl: "Awww, that's so precious!"
Guy: "....so.....?"
Girl: "You're so cute. I appreciate the offer though!"
Guy: "Um, so, that means you're not interested?"
Girl: "You are such a good friend to me!"
Guy: "Right. I understand." (This is a LIE.)
In other words, a lot of young men have been rejected so often by girls that they don't want to even risk it anymore. If YOU are interested, those guys will likely not be offended if you suggest that you'd like to go out sometime. In fact, they may shout for joy!
Just a thought :-)
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