Naah. . .

So yesterday I reflected on how often I say to myself, "Naahh, I'll just do this." Here is a simple example of the benefits of giving in.
So I had made plans to spend time at the temple yesterday after work. When I got to the temple I noticed that the wait time for the initiatory ordinance was non-existent. I thought this was weird and the thought came to mind to go and participate in that. I then proceeded to argue with myself all the way to the lockers. I thought "No, I have time today I should do an endowment session." 'No, go do initiatories.' "No I should do this[endowment] today, although it would be nice to get home sooner. But should that be my motivation? No, I'll do an endowment." 'You could do initiatories and be home sooner.' . . . This was the conversation with myself. This is not the first time I find myself debating within myself. I've learned far too many times that I always regret not listening to those thoughts placed in my head. So I picked up my bag closed the locker and walked over to the initiatories.
So once I got all settled I started thinking "okay so what great thing am I going to get out of this? Some new insight or some revelation about myself? An answer to prayers maybe?" I was very excited. Well, none of those things happened. I still was uplifted and very happy upon leaving but I didn't feel there was any significance to me participating in that ordinance yesterday.
I arrived home and my dad said, "We're going out to dinner with Annie and Kelley, do you want to come?" I accepted and asked when we'd be leaving, he said 5 minutes. The night merely consisted of going to training table and making sure my niece was provided for and entertained. The night was not all together life changing but there was a moment that I will never forget, something I had not experienced yet.
My niece was going 'potty' and after she was done her mom told her that we were all going to dinner. She ran out in her pink sheer princess skirt without putting her pants back on. So with bare bum and pink skirt my almost 2 and 1/2 year old niece runs out of the bathroom yelling, 'Cami!' and leaps into my arms and gives me a big hug! Then her mom advised her to get her pants on. So she ran into her room got her pants and ran back to me with pants in hand once again jumping into my arms smiling from ear to ear. A tender mercy if I've ever seen one. That right there was good enough reason for me to stop arguing with myself and listen.
Why do I do this? I've thought about this many times but I realized this morning that it's hard for me to change my mind and go about doing something when I don't know why I'm doing it or what the outcome will be. So basically two things are interfering with my obedience to these kind whisperings. First my pride, me thinking that my plan is better, and second, my faith not being strong enough to just move forward not knowing why. I remember teaching someone once who was looking for a big booming voice to come out of the heavens and proclaim truth to him. He realized quickly that if it was a big booming voice how much easier it would be do act. There would be no reason for faith. We would never question.
So I suppose the questioning is okay for me to do... I just need to work on telling myself to shut up and go with that first impression. Because at the other end, there might be a little two year old just dying to see you.