A Christmas Worth Waiting for....
As a child the days seem never ending,
as Christmas day draws near.
Waiting with the lights turned low
being certain you saw a rain deer.
Christmas morning, presents wrapped
time spent playing with new toys.
Feelings of anticipation ended.
This was Christmas joy.
Was it worth the waiting?
Hours of counting down.
Hoping and praying that on Christmas,
Santa would come to your town.
Others faced a different fate
on that first Christmas morn.
To lose their lives or remain true (1)
that a savior would be born.
Fear could not be present
for faith would need to overthrow,(2)
within the hearts of the believers
who did not deny what they know.
5 long years would pass in time
Amidst wars, threats, and confusion.
At last a day with no night, our Saviors birth!
And a new star in the sky was the conclusion. (3)
2 men waited upon at this Christmas time of year.
One brings gifts, but only if your nice.
The other, everlasting life.
What is worth waiting for on that Christmas eve night?
I hope you all a Merry Christmas. May the spirit of hope and peace that comes with the birth of our Savior to this earth be within yours and your families hearts this year.
Merry Christmas!
1. 3 Nephi 1:9
2. 3 Nephi 1:8
3. Helaman 14:2
Turns out I am sucker for good literature. My mother expresses shock seeing as a young girl I did not enjoy reading. But with age I have truly come to appreciate words and their ability to explain emotion.
Right now I am reading Charles Dickens "A Christmas Carol." Have I ever fully read this book? No! But I tell you I have started reading it at least 5 times. I purposely start over because I love the first page. Dickens is funny!
"Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is int he simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail."
See! Funny! I really could re-read that paragraph a hundred times.
But now to share with you a paragraph that I just read today, from a scene that I do not recall depicted in any of the film versions of this work of literature.
The setting: Scrooge is still with the Ghost of Christmas Past. He has just seen the shadow of the girl he was in love with is leaving him. Oh! I have to share this part.
"Your own feeling tells you that you were not what you are," she returned. "I am. That which promised happiness when we were on in heart is fraught with misery now that we are two. How often and how keenly I have thought of this, I will not say. It is enough that I have thought of it, and can release you."
Beautiful.
The next scene is Scrooge witnessing a family, his past fiance now older with her children.
Scrooge's thoughts "And yet I should have dearly liked, I own, to have touched her lips, to have questioned her, that she might have opened them, to have looked upon the lashes of her downcast eyes, and never raised a blush, to have let loose waves of hair, an inch of which would be a keepsake beyond price; in short, I should have liked, I do confess, to have had the lightest license of a child, and yet to have been man enough to know it's value."
I found myself mourning for Scrooge. Something I never really have experienced with a film version.
I have realized something more about myself and why words effect me so much. I am someone who likes to understand things. If something does not make sense, well I figure it out. So when feelings come along, whether they be of joy or sadness or pain. I need to make sense of it all. That is where words come in. Especially written by someone else. It is like this feeling of relief knowing that someone else understands.
So I'm sick. I have been now for a week. Today I decided to take a 'sick day.' Not from work or school, because I don't have either, but from life. I laid in bed all day long! The only reason I like being sick is because I do not feel guilty doing that. Lying in bed all day long. Anyway...
When I'm not feeling well I always watch the same movies. Ones I've seen and wouldn't mind falling asleep to. I think I've watched 'Pride and Prejudice' enough times I could convert the hours spent watching it into money and pay for my entire graduate degree. (That's a lot!) So as I'm watching it today I get to the part where Charlotte Lucas informs Elizabeth Bennet that she is marrying Mr. Collins. "I'm 27 years old. I have no money, no prospects. I'm already a burden to my parents." Then I remembered in Persuasion when Lady Russel is talking to Anne about how she is beautiful and will find someone Anne replies "I'm 27."
Now this makes a 27 year old girl think. But what do I think about? "Which type of Jane Austen romance would most likely happen for me?"
Mansfield Park: Not so much looking to fall in love with my cousin.
Emma: Long time friend 16 years older than me... I like the long time friend thing. And I've been there before that you don't really realize you care that way about your friend until one of your female friends likes him and jealousy sneaks in to reveal your true feelings. But still... not so much.
Northanger Abby: Never read it. Never seen a movie. So it's probably not good enough for me.
Sense and Sensibility: This one I could accept. Edward Farris and Elanor that is. Although finding out that the man I'm in love with has been secretly engaged for years would be a tough thing to get through. I love the mutual adoration that both characters have for one another. Close contender.
Pride and Prejudice: As much as I love this movie. I don't so much love the love story of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. I mean it works for them. But we're talking about me. I don't think it would work well for me to have a guy profess his love after not really showing it all that well. If a guy did that to me today, I probably wouldn't end up with him.
Persuasion: I think I will pick this one as my favorite. I do not really have a relationship that I can relate to Anne Elliot and Capt Wentworth, meaning I was not in love with anyone when I was 18 and would still want to marry them today. However, I love this story. Even though when they were reunited it was rocky and Anne felt no reason to hope. Once Wentworth finally gives in and confesses to her how he feels...(sigh) It's just awesome! Or should I say 'Austen!"
Turns out I'm a bit of a romantic...
Think back on your education experience. How many times did you actually have an opportunity to really push yourself?
Through my entire general education experience and I can only think of one circumstance. My theatre class. No other subject do I feel that I left being better at it then when I went in. But in theatre I was given chances to push myself and develop. Which would explain why I thought that was all I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I did not think I was good at anything else.
Turns out, I'm good at a lot of things. However, it has taken me a long time to realize that I can be good academically.
A lot of that is due to the institution I am attending now for my graduate degree. I was talking to my best friend about the fact that I got A's in two of my classes that were half semester courses and how happy I was. I then told her of my realization I had about a month into my program.
When we first began they told us that we had to get B's to pass. I felt a little overwhelmed. I've worked my tail off in some of my college classes and just scraped by with a B so I was ready to work really hard.
After a month of a LOT of hard work in this program I realized there really was no way that I could get a B let alone not pass. Sure if I didn't do the work I wouldn't get the points. But why would I be there if I didn't want to do the work. And as long as I just stuck to what was expected of me and did my best well I'd end up passing just fine.
Is it hard? Yes! Am I being challenged? Very much so! But that's the cool part. I'm succeeding!
So I was telling my best friend, we'll call her Bill Nye, about this fact that I really can't fail. So although it sounds great that I'm doing so well, there is really no way I can't do well as long as I put in the time and effort. Bill Nye said, "Just like Heavenly Father."
I knew she was right but I asked her to expound on that thought. She said, "Well, He obviously wants us to succeed and make it back with Him. He does not want us to fail." This is so true.
We have a God that wants us to be successful. He provides us with all the tools necessary to do so and then it's up to us. But he sets it up so we wont fail. The only way we can is if we chose to. Just like my program. It's hard at times but I love this opportunity and time to prepare for my career. But it's my choice how serious I want to take it. It's my choice.
Our Father sent his only begotten son to save us all. All. In the end it's our choice whether or not we want to be saved.
A snippet of a reoccurring conversation...
New acquaintance: "How old are you?"
Me: "27."
New acquaintance: "Wow! Really? You don't look that old!"
Me: "Thank you. I get that a lot."
But what I really think is. I'm not old! What am I supposed to look like?!
grate-ful: adj. thankful or appreciative for benefits or kindnesses
grat-i-tude: n. the state of appreciation and gratefulnessthank: v. express one's gratitude; to credit
thank-ful: adj. feeling or showing of gratitude
thanks: pl., n. expression of one's gratitude
Lately I've contemplated these words and what they really mean. What does it really mean to give thanks? How can I truly show my gratitude for something or to someone? I've felt that words are so trifling and cannot do my feelings justice.
Gratitude as defined above is a state of appreciation. A state that someone can be in, not simply a feeling. Then being thankful, or giving thanks is the result of the feelings that reside in us when we are in a state of gratitude.
I think that is what is most beautiful about the holidays. They become an outlet for us all to express our thanks and love towards one another. No wonder we all look forward to them with anticipation and joy. An inevitable result is a state of gratitude. When the holidays come around I always wish I was better at expressing my love and appreciation for those in my life on a more consistent basis.
As a christian and member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, it is not a new idea to give thanks for the blessings we have in our lives. Christ showed an example of this in The Lords Prayer and we too are encouraged to remember those blessings that abound in our lives.
To commemorate this day I found a beautiful talk given by the Prophet of our church, President Thomas S. Monson. It is entitled "The Divine Gift of Gratitude." I encourage all to read his words and feel of their truth. Also that we may apply his council. For "by their fruits you shall know them"(Matthew 7:15-20). Pres. Monson states,"My brothers and sisters, to express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven."
I am filled with gratitude. I am overwhelmed by the many blessings I have in my life.
A family that supports me.
A safe and comfortable place to live.
A job that is flexible so that I can focus on my education.
My education and the opportunities that lay ahead.
All the people in my life that have helped shape me.
My understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Freedom of religion.
Temples that help me stay centered on what matters most.
Institute and its ability to pull me away from the world.
Friends that let me ramble off on things they may not fully understand.
Friends that make me laugh. (I know it's not hard to do. But it's very much appreciated.)
My talents and hobbies, for giving me moments of peace and stress relief.
The scriptures and their ability to teach me and answer prayers.
Prayer and its ability to bind me more and more to my Father in Heaven.
A Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ and through him the ability to be better each day.
A loving, kind, generous, patient, merciful, Father in Heaven. With whom nothing seems impossible.
I hope to us all a Happy Thanksgiving. May the feeling of gratitude influence us always to share thanks.
